


Steady On

by TheIskra



Category: James Bond (Craig movies)
Genre: Angst, M/M, Sub James Bond
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-04
Updated: 2020-08-04
Packaged: 2021-03-05 21:28:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 635
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25712098
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheIskra/pseuds/TheIskra
Summary: Meant as a one off in response to another fic. I recommend reading THAT before this.
Relationships: James Bond/M | Gareth Mallory
Kudos: 19





	Steady On

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Rug](https://archiveofourown.org/works/25181020) by [medoroa](https://archiveofourown.org/users/medoroa/pseuds/medoroa). 



He dislikes _things_. He grew up with everything and anything he could have possibly ever wanted. Then there were the shared _things_ with Franz. Then a dormitory with nothing. The adjustment was breathtaking. The school had asked if he wanted anything sent to him from home, if the items from his childhood could be useful.

There was enough money held in a trust so he didn’t need to revisit that place, not again for decades. He could replace the _things_ at any time. The other boys didn't have the kind of money he had at his disposal. When he was given this place, he bought it outright. The two or three paintings he had hanging on walls of his last flat were still on the floor, the two table lamps, the couch, the chair, the bed, and the dresser. He didn’t need anything else. The _things_ he needed were temporary. Gear and cars and weapons he had to sign out every time.

 _I do hope this is alright_ , she told him. _It’s the best I could do with no notice, you realize_.

It was unhealthy, his attachment to her in a parental way. He knew it was fucked up for them both. She cared too much and he cared too much. Now one of the only _thing_ he cares about was that cheap fucking ceramic dog she had bequeathed to him in jest.

He sees it on the table and it reminds him again that he is not equipped for this life. He brings shit to everyone around him. It’s why he’s good at his job and terrible in life. It cycles twice, only twice in his mind before he digs his fingers into his palms. “That’s enough…steady on.”

It’s no mistake that he consistently fails his psych evals. It’s the line he walks that Rodriguez crossed, that agents in years past crossed or simply refused to acknowledge. It’s not long before he’s summoned into the newly redecorated office in the bunker. They never bothered to move after the demolition and were fighting too many internal wars to attempt to try.

The acknowledgement of his evaluations before then swept under the rug. But now, it was an issue.

_The only reason we are doing this here is because I know the room is clean. I’ve reviewed your file and need to know your trigger. If and when you know that you are ready to run, I need you to let me know how to mitigate the…blowback._

He had played dumb for a good minute or two. But he understood what was being asked and understood that this was being asked by someone he trusted implicitly. It had taken him longer than he wanted to admit to it. Would the admission in and of itself cost him his job?

He had responded with “I need a controlled environment.” It was vague and coded enough that it could have meant nearly anything.

_Noted._

Breathing deeply, he glances at package from Italy sitting on the floor. He had ordered it weeks ago, after the last spiral that ended with him under the desk shaking with the antique marble handle of a letter opener shoved inside of him. He isn’t impulsive when he buys _things_. His life is curated simply. But after that night, he knew he needed this. Ordered under another name, to another address to be forwarded to him here. But he doesn’t need it now. He is controlled. His hand touches the strap of his holster. He finds that he takes it off less and less. Only now when he showers and sleeps. A compulsion which he understands isn’t healthy. The time will come soon enough when he needs to either meet with M or open the package and try to handle things alone.


End file.
